The Classroom

Ah, school. The things that seemed to matter the most back then, just don't seem to matter anymore.

I not so fondly remember clearly my pre-school days, when each new school day meant a whole new day of crying, wailing and hiding in the pantry, thinking that was the solution to escape the wrath of school forever.

Alas, that failed and I ended up being educated.
Thankfully, due to my parents' persistence of dragging me out the door kicking and screaming.


After plonking me at school, things usually got worse. From their hiding spot where they had been observing my every move and watching how I accepted my new foreign surroundings (I didn't), Mum and Dad were forced to come out - when I threw up all over myself.


And while I now appreciate how important an investment into education is, I just wasn't made for school back then. I thought schooling was the worse thing that could happen to anyone.
Who needs to know how to read anyway?
What an ungrateful little brat I was.


And stepping into The Classroom, is really stepping into a classroom.
A place you were in X years ago. Or...quite possibly even XX years ago?

Zucchini Fritters, Cucumber & Feta Whip - $14

After immersing yourself in an environment you most likely won't be in ever again, remembering the days when information sources came in hard copy form in the Britannica encyclopedias lining the shelves, and before the internet became God and made the impossible possible, it's time to sharpen the provided pencils (with the provided sharpeners!) and tick the correct boxes on your Canteen Menu.


$4 iced coffees and chocolates are served in classic metal milkshake canisters in the background, but unfortunately could do with a bit more liquid in them.


Freshly deep fried, the fritters resemble 5 delicious ugly ducklings that taste like beautiful golden swans - rough, scraggly, crunchy golden exteriors with contrasting cheesy and soft innards, with slightly hollow centres that are so imperfect but perfect all at the same time. 

Serrano Jamon, fresh Peach, in-house Ricotta & Balsamic Pearls - $16

 This next plate is a flavour, texture and colour combination that celebrates the marriages of sweet fresh peaches, salty rolled cigars of dry cured Spanish ham with the intense vinegary bursts of Balsamic pearls.


Perhaps good for presentation purposes with the leafy specks of greens, otherwise the flecks of vegetables do little to add taste to the overall mouthful.

A work of art!

The Classroom most likely took and aced some art classes in their time! :-)

Pork Sausage Rolls with Fennel & Apple, Apricot Chutney - $14

Never would i have done or would even consider order sausage rolls at an upmarket bar.
4 mini party sausage rolls for $14? Yeah right! Yes they might be gourmet, but actually worth the $14? NEVER in a million years!


Yet I felt a simultaneous acceptance of this, just how the majority of us accept $15 gourmet burgers over their $4 fast food counterparts. Typically a to-go food, sausage rolls usually lay around in the baine marie getting progressively more tanned and cooked while this version retains a crisp, airy casing wrapping a plump, juicy minced pork filling.


The dipping dish of apricot chutney will be a happy addition to those who fancy the fruity + meat combinations, except I like my meats salty thanks :-)

6 Hour Bourbon Beef Short Ribs, Smoked Salt & Chilli Pineapple Wedges (Large) - $32

This scored unexpectedly surprising top marks in my schoolbooks that one chilly night back at school Such a warm, homey, spectacular chunk of meat that you' typically find basting in your oven at home, but had been slow roasting in The Classroom's oven once upon a time before your visit.


Likened to a slab of tar, it is only the moment it goes in your mouth that you witness such a tender, soft and flavoursome cut of beef, too soft to be true. As expected from short ribs, the fat-to-meat ratio might be a bit high, but all is forgiven with ridiculously good protein.


The jar of thick sauce served with the meat is sweet with a strong smokey taste that accompanies the meat really well, as with the golden smoked pineapple wedges, trickling juices infused with hints of chilli and salt.

Hand-cut Crinkle Chips, Sumac Dusting & Chipotle Aioli - $6

Nothing screams old skool louder or gets kids fatter faster than hot chips served in that recognisable yellow paper cup. Disappointingly, I could resist stuffing my face after my first few as this particular batch were evidently a little dry and sad. Not enough crisp from not enough crinkle nor enough dusting of flavour, but chips are ever changing.

The chipotle aioli however, is a different story. Aioli is a godsend, exactly why I borrowed this for other dishes ordered on the night. I'm known for being a sauce addict, and I don't really need anything to eat with sauce. Who needs chips to eat sauce? Not I.

In the background are glimpses blueberry and mango juices, each bottle priced at $6.50. I guess at that price I assumed a freshly squeezed glass would be served instead of bottled juices. Nevertheless, they are of good quality honest ingredients, blended and bottled.

Chermoula Chicken Drumsticks, Roasted Sweet Potato & Eggplant, Zesty Yoghurt - $17

Simple but well made ingredients go a long, long way. The simplicity of chicken drumsticks take on a Moroccan flavour with crackly skin caramelised with a chermoula marinade, with hints of herbs and garlic. Using the chicken leg is wise, to take full advantage of the succulent tenderness.


Roasted root vegetables are always a winner - sweet potato and eggplant chunks with a refreshing yoghurt ladled over the contents on the plate. It balances out the strong flavour of the chicken with a lighter taste but with that much needed creamy texture.

Feel welcome to perve on some leg

Love a juicy, smooth, sexy leg.

...

A welcome addition to Perth's growing trendy chic bar scene to rival its Eastern counterparts, its interior is nothing short of impressive and much kudos go out to the entrepreneurs who brainstormed up this fresh new concept and the eclectic decor. All the effort contributed to creating this real life time capsule complete with nostalgia, decked with old school artifacts high and low - finger paintings, netball rings and even hopscotch on the ground to skip back to your childhood.


The recycled and new furnishings take on a retro style, a true overload on your sight. The whole place has gone crazy at a Bak2Skool themed dress up party. It IS quite excessive itching on kitsch but you can't help but appreciate the nitty gritty details of the place. I even took an unnecessary trip to the toilet just to check out the proposed Spanish lessons while you do your business. Seriously.

The Classroom presents a small but enticing menu, demonstrating a creative flair by creating a gourmet twist on classic canteen food. Designed to share, the unsubstantial dishes remind you that school always taught you that sharing is caring. The teachers here are referring to the staff (cheesy right! :-)) have limited contact with you because you pay at the bar, assigned a buzzer and collect your order from the kitchen canteen, just like the olden good old days ;)


They are big on cocktails here, ranging from the History cocktails paying tribute to classic cocktails, to the imaginative Art concoctions to the downright trippy Food Science cocktails that comes as a smoking, bubbling or flaming science experiment in a cocktail glass. An eye catching display is their alcoholic storage lockers, doing everything BUT lock up the numerous spirits on offer. THIS classroom is definitely not an alcohol free premises!

It might be the last thing on your mind to go back to school, but if you've gone a little bit older but a lot more wiser, it's good to get down and refresh some faded memories. With a very dark carpark and so appropriately having a sex shop as its neighbour, it is indeed a little bit seedy, yet so perfectly reflecting the whole school thing where everybody is running around on hormone highs.


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(08) 9444 7729
Tuesday - Friday: 4pm to late
Saturday/Sunday: 12pm to late
Monday: Private classes

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